My little tale of Norman Mailer
I discovered Mailer at perhaps the one of the most critical times of my life.
I was living in Trenton, NJ in a small rented room above a garage. Albeit; the garage was attached; but the upstairs was nearly unheated. It was so cold that I slept in my winter jacket and sometimes my boots in order to keep warm. I came down with a terrible case of pneumonia and nearly had a nervous breakdown.
I was living with my Godfather. I had just moved in because I had been essentially starving in my apartment. My roommate was generally unemployed or scamming to be supported by his women. I was working 50; sometimes 60 hours a week. I quit going to school because when I was first living with my Godfather; I had to leave the house and quit school because of other family strife.
I moved back with a promise of being able to get my life back in order; but instead it became servitude and prison.
One weekend I was visiting with Heimdall and we decided to rent some movies. We picked up ‘Miller’s Crossing’ (great movie) and for fun; a movie called, ‘Tough Guys Don’t Dance’. I’m not going to review the movie. I fell in love with the idea of the movie. Where in hell did he get the inspiration, what is Provincetown? I remember only knowing Mailer’s name as an iconoclast.
I was in.
Heimdall and I that weekend traveled to some bookstores and I was able to find the book on the shelf.
It started out with the tremendous sound of the sea. He spoke of the pains of lost love and the insanity of quitting cigarettes. The rest of the book was lined with mystical imagery that I understood. I knew people who would be attracted to séances and understood the coincidences that follow ghost hunters.
Most importantly; the line ‘Tough Guys Don’t Dance’ was filled with all the magic that pulls in someone who is struggling to keep their footing. It was old fashion gangsters, longshoremen, heavy weight champions and beautiful women. It also helped that the main character was a struggling writer who drank a lot of bourbon and had done time in Tampa, FL for dealing cocaine.
I admit; it’s not a book for everyone, as Norman Mailer is not a man for everyone. I think that his greatest contribution, right or wrong is communicating what it is to attain manhood. As Dave Alvin once wrote about Bukowski, in a time when everyone in America was wearing smiley faces and wishing everyone Have a Nice Day, Mailer understood the madness of a silent room.
When Mailer was at his peak of venom; he was foundering in the question of his own quest to be the existential superman. At the same time; unfortunately feminism was reaching its peak perhaps climaxing with the failed Equal Rights Amendment. Mailer obviously clashed with the sign of the times. Not agreeing with Mailer’s method nor discounting the need for feminism; I believe that had Mailer in the last decade been at his most outrageous his type of attainment would have heard.
I was able to filter through the bravado to understand what he was getting at. I was fine with most of the changes in the culture; however, I did understand that a certain type of manhood was losing the floor it was standing on. I knew those old fashioned men and most of them were honest, good men but had no place to go in modern times. And yet…
Here is an easy juxtaposition; there is a book out there that I have been talking about to anyone who will listen by an author named Michael Pollan. The book is called The Omnivore’s Dilemma. In short, he discusses what we eat and how it gets to us. In the same regard, Mailer’s character discusses not wanting to eat anything that was harvested at a distance further than he could walk in a day. I have always extended that to purchase or eat; etc.: essentially to support your community.
Pollan speaks of this from a perch at University of California, Berkeley. Mailer spoke from his perch as a character who was complaining about the food in the Federal Prison system. I understand both but one was written in 1984; in a much criticized book, which was largely ignored. Pollan is starting a much needed counter revolution to the Wal-Mart-ization of America culture.
I have been supporting my local community in one fashion or another since I read the book; because that simple little line “Tough Guys Don’t Dance” hit my sensibilities hard. I come from a family of farmers from northeast Pennsylvania; my father’s parents immigrated to America when they were teenagers. I grew up with my formidable years in NJ and then in Clearwater, FL. The lifestyle in Florida was appalling to me; and I drove myself mad trying to get out of FL.
Mailer spoke about pulling the trigger on who you think you are. He believed that all of mankind, to take the adage ‘live lives of quiet desperation’ and that it is because of fear and hesitation. The key point would be if one doesn’t pull the trigger it will corrupt the soul and then the failures will spiral. In other words, try to live a life without regret and to be careful of what you wish for because life will take its revenge.
During those years; I was my most prolific and sometimes my most dangerous. I tried to live life as fearlessly as I could. I did not succeed as often as I would have wanted and there were a lot of things that I did wrong. Regret is a double edged sword. Yet at the same time; I have stood up for my family and friends against people who take their advantages over people to extremes. But; there has been plenty left undone.
I was able to meet Norman Mailer at his home in Provincetown this summer. I mentioned this in an early essay; but I do not know how clear I was about it. When I was in Jersey I would dream of driving up to Provincetown and drinking in a pub and meeting Mailer or perhaps just become inspired. It took me nearly 18 years, a second visit to Massachusetts, zabasearch and finally courage to get it done.
The bottom line of the story and the phrase is not about how tough someone is; or whether or not they dance when asked. The line is about blazing a trail and not wavering from what you believe in, that when one is faced with the odds that we keep our composure and we hold onto our beliefs. The ultimate existential battle is not to be avoided, ever.
To an artist, a young man and as a boy who was suffering and alone, Mailer reached in and said, “Courage! M’boy, Courage!” When I knocked on his door, I was greeted by his daughter. We were brought into his house and to the back porch where his wife and other daughter were talking with him.
I have read in some of the obituaries that he wanted to inspire writers in the same way that Hemmingway inspired him. When I was visiting with him I told him that the book had proved extremely inspirational to me; and that I am always talking about it, almost 20 years after first reading it. I had the feeling that if we had wanted to, we might have been able to stay with him the rest of the evening. He signed that book that I bought so many years ago; tattered and fallen apart as it was. Full circle.
I’ve met a lot of famous people, rock stars and a poet who was one of the most infamous in the world. At this time in my life, meeting Mailer in the setting it was, because we went so far out of our way to make it happen and that it worked was both thrilling and empowering to me.
In America, we do not understand artists and we surely do not understand what they are saying when they are saying it.
What if New York City became its own state? What if we all supported our communities more? What if we acted with courage against what we thought was wrong? What if we all stood up and said, “Stop the Bullshit!”
And even still, what if we pulled the trigger and followed our dreams?
Thank you, Norman Mailer for living your life to the fullest and thank you for the inspiration – one of the inspired.
I discovered Mailer at perhaps the one of the most critical times of my life.
I was living in Trenton, NJ in a small rented room above a garage. Albeit; the garage was attached; but the upstairs was nearly unheated. It was so cold that I slept in my winter jacket and sometimes my boots in order to keep warm. I came down with a terrible case of pneumonia and nearly had a nervous breakdown.
I was living with my Godfather. I had just moved in because I had been essentially starving in my apartment. My roommate was generally unemployed or scamming to be supported by his women. I was working 50; sometimes 60 hours a week. I quit going to school because when I was first living with my Godfather; I had to leave the house and quit school because of other family strife.
I moved back with a promise of being able to get my life back in order; but instead it became servitude and prison.
One weekend I was visiting with Heimdall and we decided to rent some movies. We picked up ‘Miller’s Crossing’ (great movie) and for fun; a movie called, ‘Tough Guys Don’t Dance’. I’m not going to review the movie. I fell in love with the idea of the movie. Where in hell did he get the inspiration, what is Provincetown? I remember only knowing Mailer’s name as an iconoclast.
I was in.
Heimdall and I that weekend traveled to some bookstores and I was able to find the book on the shelf.
It started out with the tremendous sound of the sea. He spoke of the pains of lost love and the insanity of quitting cigarettes. The rest of the book was lined with mystical imagery that I understood. I knew people who would be attracted to séances and understood the coincidences that follow ghost hunters.
Most importantly; the line ‘Tough Guys Don’t Dance’ was filled with all the magic that pulls in someone who is struggling to keep their footing. It was old fashion gangsters, longshoremen, heavy weight champions and beautiful women. It also helped that the main character was a struggling writer who drank a lot of bourbon and had done time in Tampa, FL for dealing cocaine.
I admit; it’s not a book for everyone, as Norman Mailer is not a man for everyone. I think that his greatest contribution, right or wrong is communicating what it is to attain manhood. As Dave Alvin once wrote about Bukowski, in a time when everyone in America was wearing smiley faces and wishing everyone Have a Nice Day, Mailer understood the madness of a silent room.
When Mailer was at his peak of venom; he was foundering in the question of his own quest to be the existential superman. At the same time; unfortunately feminism was reaching its peak perhaps climaxing with the failed Equal Rights Amendment. Mailer obviously clashed with the sign of the times. Not agreeing with Mailer’s method nor discounting the need for feminism; I believe that had Mailer in the last decade been at his most outrageous his type of attainment would have heard.
I was able to filter through the bravado to understand what he was getting at. I was fine with most of the changes in the culture; however, I did understand that a certain type of manhood was losing the floor it was standing on. I knew those old fashioned men and most of them were honest, good men but had no place to go in modern times. And yet…
Here is an easy juxtaposition; there is a book out there that I have been talking about to anyone who will listen by an author named Michael Pollan. The book is called The Omnivore’s Dilemma. In short, he discusses what we eat and how it gets to us. In the same regard, Mailer’s character discusses not wanting to eat anything that was harvested at a distance further than he could walk in a day. I have always extended that to purchase or eat; etc.: essentially to support your community.
Pollan speaks of this from a perch at University of California, Berkeley. Mailer spoke from his perch as a character who was complaining about the food in the Federal Prison system. I understand both but one was written in 1984; in a much criticized book, which was largely ignored. Pollan is starting a much needed counter revolution to the Wal-Mart-ization of America culture.
I have been supporting my local community in one fashion or another since I read the book; because that simple little line “Tough Guys Don’t Dance” hit my sensibilities hard. I come from a family of farmers from northeast Pennsylvania; my father’s parents immigrated to America when they were teenagers. I grew up with my formidable years in NJ and then in Clearwater, FL. The lifestyle in Florida was appalling to me; and I drove myself mad trying to get out of FL.
Mailer spoke about pulling the trigger on who you think you are. He believed that all of mankind, to take the adage ‘live lives of quiet desperation’ and that it is because of fear and hesitation. The key point would be if one doesn’t pull the trigger it will corrupt the soul and then the failures will spiral. In other words, try to live a life without regret and to be careful of what you wish for because life will take its revenge.
During those years; I was my most prolific and sometimes my most dangerous. I tried to live life as fearlessly as I could. I did not succeed as often as I would have wanted and there were a lot of things that I did wrong. Regret is a double edged sword. Yet at the same time; I have stood up for my family and friends against people who take their advantages over people to extremes. But; there has been plenty left undone.
I was able to meet Norman Mailer at his home in Provincetown this summer. I mentioned this in an early essay; but I do not know how clear I was about it. When I was in Jersey I would dream of driving up to Provincetown and drinking in a pub and meeting Mailer or perhaps just become inspired. It took me nearly 18 years, a second visit to Massachusetts, zabasearch and finally courage to get it done.
The bottom line of the story and the phrase is not about how tough someone is; or whether or not they dance when asked. The line is about blazing a trail and not wavering from what you believe in, that when one is faced with the odds that we keep our composure and we hold onto our beliefs. The ultimate existential battle is not to be avoided, ever.
To an artist, a young man and as a boy who was suffering and alone, Mailer reached in and said, “Courage! M’boy, Courage!” When I knocked on his door, I was greeted by his daughter. We were brought into his house and to the back porch where his wife and other daughter were talking with him.
I have read in some of the obituaries that he wanted to inspire writers in the same way that Hemmingway inspired him. When I was visiting with him I told him that the book had proved extremely inspirational to me; and that I am always talking about it, almost 20 years after first reading it. I had the feeling that if we had wanted to, we might have been able to stay with him the rest of the evening. He signed that book that I bought so many years ago; tattered and fallen apart as it was. Full circle.
I’ve met a lot of famous people, rock stars and a poet who was one of the most infamous in the world. At this time in my life, meeting Mailer in the setting it was, because we went so far out of our way to make it happen and that it worked was both thrilling and empowering to me.
In America, we do not understand artists and we surely do not understand what they are saying when they are saying it.
What if New York City became its own state? What if we all supported our communities more? What if we acted with courage against what we thought was wrong? What if we all stood up and said, “Stop the Bullshit!”
And even still, what if we pulled the trigger and followed our dreams?
Thank you, Norman Mailer for living your life to the fullest and thank you for the inspiration – one of the inspired.
And for the record, Gore Vidal, you don’t even have a pair!
Here are some obits...
and some extra's from The Village Voice
posted by Sisyphus at 10:35 AM
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