God Bless the Child

…was playing when I sat down… a sweet instrumental version… I could sit and listen all night.

Rarely in this moment anymore do I find myself in this position to write. Many moons ago when I was just a little boy I would sit on a Friday night; get drunk and listen to sweet music and write. Some of those moments I wish I could forget; yet some of those moments I hope I always remember.

And I think the only way you can understand that is if you can catch that bitter allusion to the sea…

I wrote some of my greatest pieces on these nights; I can still remember the words falling off of my pen onto my notebook as cliché as that sounds. I remember the music I was listening to… I have been talking about one of them the last few days that went from ‘That’s All Right Momma’ to the Grateful Dead ‘Promise Land’. That was one wicked solitary night over eleven years ago. …with few exceptions one of my best poetic nights. I still can quote lines older than that back to myself…

through embers and ambers/through darkness thick and thin/we are always what we dreamed not…

That line is some eighteen years old… and I remember as clear as day when I wrote it. I also wrote once that I would come to a day of recollection and dismissal… go gently into that goodnight…

I’m cross between stepping into the character of Billy Shears, the Sad Cowboy, the wounded lord living by the sea… or something less promising…myself.

For what ever reason, I have been struck with remembrance these last several weeks. I have many reasons and none of them make sense…conversationally or epitome. In a few days I recognize one of the saddest days of my life. A great influence and friend took his life several years ago. I miss him in ways I am sure he didn’t imagine and yes I wonder…

More than anything this year I want to say good bye. I’m not going to forget but I’m letting go. I’m not putting out any blame. I’m sad and sorry that it turned out the way that it did…Old buddy…it is just one thing I will never understand. I just know that you would have enjoyed what was playing when I sat down tonight in front of the computer. And for the heck of it…

… babies crying pork chops and beaujolais